22 Sep 08 Tristan & Zachary parent-teacher night and a nice excerpt from “The Unwritten Rules of Friendship”

Well it was the meet the school principal and the respective Grade 1 and Grade 2 teachers of Zachary and Tristan last week. The principals presentation in the gymnasium was the usual overview of the schools rules and way of teaching. After that I started out with the Grade 1 teacher for Zachary and switched classes with their mother to the Grade 2 teacher presentation for Tristan. We wanted to get a bit of a feel for both teachers presentations. They basically outlined their teaching style and the education and activity plan for the forthcoming year. It was pretty special to realize that the boys are indeed growing and learning.

Of course, there was a chance to confer with the teachers about how Zachary and Tristan had been during the 1st couple of weeks at school and naturally it hasn’t been without challenges.

A friend (future DFW) sent me this nice excerpt from the The Unwritten Rules of Friendship book which is a great read…. and indeed, the most valuable and essential education in life is learning to deal with one’s emotions ; developing that critical emotional intelligence.

It was during my first year as a teacher of learning disabled children that I realized how misunderstood children with social skill deficits can be. The kids whom I saw with reading or math difficulties garnered sympathy and lots of instructional support, but the children with social problems were often met with irritation and rejection from both staff and students. And they received little or no help.

One little boy, whom I’ll call Bobby, really stands out in my memory. One day, it ws my turn to be “on duty” as the teacher responsible for dealing with discipline problems at our public elementary school. I’d just gotten back from lunch, when I heard a buzz from the principal’s office. “Bobby was causing trouble on the bus again”, the secretary said over the intercom. “We’re sending him down for you to deal with him.” I’d heard about Bobby. Everybody in the school had. The word in the teachers’ lounge wasa that he was a holy terror–the meanest, toughest kid in the school. I took a deep breath, straightened my spine, and prepared myself to deal with this future hoodlum. When I heard a knock, I strode to the door expecting the worst. What I saw was a skinny little freckled boy with a tear-stained face. The “bad boy of the school” stood trembling in the doorway of my classroom.

I invited Bobby in, and together we began unraveling what had happened on the bus. The story was one that I have hard repeatedly since then. Like many children with social skill deficits, Bobby was totally unaware of his role in causing all the mayhem. He claimed he was “just kidding”. He was mystified by the angry responses he elicited from both adults and children. He was miserable and very much alone.

The flash of understanding that I’ve seen in the eyes of children when they grasp an Unwritten Rule is what inspired me to write this book.

That’s just an excerpt… but the important thing to note is that kids who don’t learn to do math, can later use a calculator, but the real investment is in emotional intelligence and social skills… It’s a longer and harder lesson to learn, but far more valuable. Once you understand how and why your child is stumbling socially, you can take steps to smooth the way for him.

- from the preface of The Unwritten Rules of Friendship by Natalie Madorsky Elman and Eileen Kennedy-Moore.